Mother's Day and Appreciating the Mom You Have

     It's Mother's Day tomorrow, and the thought of it brings bittersweet thoughts. Both my mom and mother-in-law are so deep in their dementia now that the day means nothing to them. The day could pass them by, and it would not cross their minds. There is no finding the perfect gift for them, planning time to be with them, honoring them with our appreciation. It just isn't even needed, desired, or important to them. But, we want to be with them because it is important to us! We want to show them love and appreciation. We just can't expect it to be something meaningful to them. It can only mean something to us.
     I talked to a sweet 81year old lady yesterday, an old friend of my parents. She has her mind and wit so Mother's Day means something to her. She has two daughters, one very far away and one only two hours away. Yet, she will be alone on Mother's Day. Her daughter close by stays too busy to come and visit. Her daughter's husband won't let her come stay over. So she is a widow all alone on Mother's Day. She said the daughters sent her some roses. It was nice, but she would rather be with them. She sounded a little teary when she said she might make herself a pot roast and a pecan pie tomorrow. She wasn't kidding either. I was thinking, "Wow, a mom who still knows how to cook." I was jealous of these two daughters and angry at them. They still have a mom with her mind and intellect intact yet they don't even appreciate it! It made me really sad for this lady, but sad for all of us with moms who struggle with dementia.
   In closing, if you read my blog this is my admonition to appreciate the mom you have. If she has memory struggles, love her through them. It is often sad, but many days there are "moments" of joy just being able to hug them and remember old times. They like to hear about the things they used to be able to do...the great deviled eggs they made or that perfect homemade cheese cake everyone loved. For those of you who have a mom who does NOT have any memory issues...SEIZE THE DAY. Don't waste any moments with them and don't let them sit home alone on Mother's Day. If you live far away, call a old friend to have your mom over. Better yet, plan a vacation to visit her. Appreciate and show your mom while she still can acknowledge it, and it brings meaning to her life. One thing I have realized in this life, we can't undo the past and decisions we made. But, we have THIS day and the future to make better ones. Loving and appreciating our moms while they are still on this earth is one of the best choices we can make!