So, my daughter was getting married, and I wanted Nana Alice to look her best. Actually, I wanted Nana Aman to also but knew she had my sister-in-laws to get her dressed and pretty. I knew it would be challenging for a man to get her ready. I talked to my dad about them staying at the hotel with the family, and then they could help. Also, we needed to shop and get her a dress. I made an early hair appointment for her for the wedding day. All I had to do was convince her she needed to look nice...nice enough to spend the money on the dress. I started about two months ahead with asking her to shop with me for my dress. Every time I mentioned a new dress for her, she would get mad, and say she isn't the mother of the bride and doesn't have to be fancy. I let it go for a while, but a month before the wedding it was getting critical. She was still mad about a dress, and said she was broke and would only wear it one time. Finally, I said that she has gained too much weight for all her clothes. She knows she HAS gained weight...but doesn't know it's two sizes up!! Then, Dad said, "Alice, you are getting a new dress!" Then, she just said okay and went with me and tried on bunch of dresses. Finally, we found a red one with a diamond buckle that she liked and looked good on her. Success!!
We got home and I showed my dad. He liked it. I decided to take it back to Tampa with me so it wouldn't disappear there in their condo. These things happen there...often...things just disappear. I had a plan for us dressing her in Tampa at the hotel. We had a room for them where everybody was staying. I, obviously, would be at the church with my bride daughter earlier than others. We even had some costume jewelry to wear with the dress. It was a great plan until...it was the night before...she was getting sick. NOT!! She has these fake illnesses, but I talked to her about her "sore throat" and convinced her it would be gone by Friday. Then, she started saying children run down the halls of hotels and scream, and she wouldn't be able to sleep. My brother took over the handling of it so I assumed he talked her into coming to the hotel. The dress, jewelry, and matching lipstick made it to the hotel so my sister could dress her. It was a perfect plan.
The day went as planned. My family helped get the candelabras we rented, and delivered table decorations, and I went on with Jenna to our hair and make-up appointments. It was only when I got about ready to walk down the aisle at the wedding that I saw Mom, and my heart dropped. Alzheimer's had won again. Mom with her disease had waylaid my plans, and there was no red dress and no hair done. I remember the shock I felt when I saw her. I saw the casual green pleated skirt, the floral jacket, her bobby pinned hair brushed flatly down, and I had to ask my dad, "What happened? Where's her dress? Why is her hair not done?" He seemed beaten down, defeated as he said, "She won't stay at the hotel so I couldn't get the dress." He also seemed very confused because he said he knew nothing about her hair appointment. I am starting to see this more...his confusion about things and looks of total despair. She fights him often now and wins because he is just worn down and tired at eighty years of age. It's easier to give in to her tantrums now. But, again, I believe it is just the disease winning. The wife he had, the mom we knew, she is gone, and there is no way we can change that.
I guess seeing her like that was actually a defining moment for me. Alzheimer's Disease causes unpredictable behaviors and there can be no REAL plans. As much as I planned and hoped, I never entertained the thought that I couldn't pull it off and have her beautiful for my daughter's wedding. So, at that moment, it was definitely a huge blemish on the night for me. But, right at that moment my husband saw my stricken face and came to ask me what was wrong. All I could say was, "My Mom, she looks awful." He said some words that really brought me out of it, "She's happy and at least she's here." I took that to heart. Yes, she looked happy and her fake illness didn't keep them from being with us this time. Triumph! We beat you this time, Alzheimer's, and we will continue to try to live and understand more ways to fight you! So, in the end of the wedding plans, yes, they were waylaid, but we adjusted and adapted and enjoyed having the parents there....happy.
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