The Caregiver

     I never really looked at caregiving as one that had to do with the elderly. I had three children and did quite a LOT of caregiving over the years. So, I never really realized how hard it can be to be a caregiver for a older person. I took my mother-in-law, Nana A., on an appointment to the Alzheimer's Institute back in December, and they asked me if I would be in a "Caregiver" study. I said, "No, not me, I am not her Caregiver". I thought about it, and it is because our Nana A. has many "Caregivers". As a widow, everybody has chipped in with her care. My sister-in-law, Belinda, has been very proactive with doctors, my husband taking on all the business and financial worries, and some of us family members managing the extra appointments and stuff. She is always saying to me that she doesn't deserve us, and I tell her that she has always been there for us over the years...it's our payback to her.
     But, I can't imagine being a "Caregiver" like my dad, Tom. He is on duty 24/7 because my mom is like a five year old child. Oh, she is a sweet child and a loving one too, but when she does not want to do something...woohoo, look out! She has a strong will, like a child, changes her mind constantly, like a child, and can't be trusted with anything important...like a child. Yet, she tries hard to maintain normalcy, and he just tries to hold it all together. He is a true "Caregiver". He is almost eighty years old and his health has suffered greatly having to handle everything since Mom's diagnosis nine years ago. I see him getting really weary lately. She can't be trusted to cook any more as she could start a fire. Recently, he told me she burned up a pizza without even knowing she put it in the oven! He is so sweet and patient with Mom, though she is very mean to him often now. I worry his health is taking a dive. He looked paler and worse than I have seen in recent months. 
     So, when I think about being a "Caregiver" to a person with Alzheimer's, like my mom, I am pretty sure I would lose my mind. Oh, I can take doses of her constantly asking the same questions over and over. I can even be extremely patient with her when she "acts up"when I visit. But, live with her on a daily basis? He is a better man than me. My dad is completely devoted to her as his partner...for better for worse...in sickness and in health. He has somewhat lost his role as "husband", now it's more like a parent. But, thankfully and to be admired...this wonderful "Caregiver" sure did not forget his wedding vows.