I have to be honest that I have been thinking a lot that my mom is out of the holiday loop. Thanksgiving is tomorrow, and it's a dilemma. While I feel the guilt of not having her over, does it cause her more distress? I have to face it...Mom has progressed in her brain disease. Thankfully, she is still so sweet and knows me. Does she know my name or just my face? Whatever it is, I am familiar and that is still a good thing.
When it comes to holidays, I do want her there. But, I keep noticing her agitation with crowds (usually one at my house). Plus, she must feel so misplaced. She seems to want to go "home" right away, but she doesn't quite know where that is. I, of course, have other guests to handle so she must wait. I usually end up leaving my guests, because she is so insistent. I have tried in the past to enlist her help. She is always so willing to help. There are many things she can do. She sure can fold a perfect towel! But, when it comes to the kitchen...I am not sure...Mom is just not her sharpest there. I end up feeling like I scolded her about staying out of the trash!
So, I am contemplating this Thanksgiving about not having my mom over. Will she know the difference? No, she does not know that time changes from day to day. She lives in each moment, and some days I envy the peace in that. I can have her over for leftovers, and she will enjoy that moment with the food. I will enjoy being with her any moment I get. It will mean something to us both in a different way. I know I am not the first family member to agonize over this. I know other people have loved ones with dementia that they struggle with issues just like this. I think I have decided I will wait until Thanksgiving Day and will make my final decision. As of now, I feel a peace about not stressing her out with my family and friends when it is really....just one day. I just relish more "moments" with her. That will bring us both to smiles.
