The Caregiver Torch Has Been Passed

     I guess it's hard for me to come to grips with, but I must now consider myself "the Caregiver". I was handed this torch suddenly last summer when the original caregiver fell ill. My step-dad, Tom, did an amazing job for years and years taking care of a wife with dementia, and it took a toll on his health. At 80 years of age, he was diagnosed with a progressive brain disease too, Parkinson's. Now, nine months into it,  I'm caring for two parents with brain issues. It is very sad. Mom with her dementia lacks the ability to really feel empathy for his health problems. She doesn't see how to help him with his physical problems. She just doesn't have a sensitivity chip anymore. He is frustrated, feels lousy, and gets weary of her continual replay of questions. It is very depressing to watch the two of them sometimes.

     I must admit I have questioned why I got the chosen pick for this job. Why me? I know I have a merciful nature, but, quite honestly, I don't always handle stress so well. Plus, I am menopausal...enough said on that one. So, many days I just wake up and the question again resounds in my head, WHY ME? People say to me how blessed I am to have the job of caring for them. Well, I can tell you in a perfect world where I am a perfect person I might, just might, always have perfect thoughts like that. But, again, being honest, some days I just want some relief from it all. Their health issues, financial woes, bills, and daily needs consume my thoughts and time. Running away has crossed my mind on more than one occasion. But, I know I cannot leave them and am trapped here. I feel like such a selfish person when I think thoughts like this. I berate myself and am miserable until I turn a corner away from the thoughts. Of course, I can rationally say to myself, "This season will not last forever. I will be so sad when they pass away." I can say it truthfully too. But, my heart sometimes isn't big enough for my mental capacity to be a weak human being, letting my emotions control me. Oh, to be that perfect person I referred to earlier!

     I did learn early on after receiving the torch, I NEEDED HELP! I needed it and asked for it. I was close to a breakdown, and I knew I would be no good to them that way. So, a friend gave me the name of a wonderful lady, Jenny, to help me. She has been a 74 year old angel from heaven. She helps with appointments that we must juggle for them, runs errands, volunteers at their assisted living home and is an extra set of eyes there (this is a must if your elderly are in an ALF). Jenny gives me great advice and emotional support. Just like it says in Ecclesiastes 4:9,"Two are better than one, because they have a good return for their labor." Jenny and I are a good caregiving team, and we are working together to improve my parents' quality of life. She has also become a family friend to them and all of us. I can't tell you enough about how her help has made this "season" more bearable, more joyful, more everything...

   So, the moral of this story is, that if you get passed the "Caregiver Torch", then run WITH it and not away from it. Let yourself feel the grief of it all and cut yourself a break when emotions overwhelm. Be true to yourself, and ASK for help if you need it. There are no successful lone rangers. Two are truly better than one.